ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
