Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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