Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
