well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
