C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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