i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
