1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
