i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
