Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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