what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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