hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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