lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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