I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
