nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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