What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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