I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
