Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
