apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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