Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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