Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
