really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
