just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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