i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
