This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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