We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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