so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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