He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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