our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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