Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
