Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
