The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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