There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
false alarm. still invincible.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
