i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
