I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
