In the future we'll all be gay
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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