The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
