I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Even my vagina gasped.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
