I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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