One girl and one boy is just not enough.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my sisters under your porch take her home
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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