Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
