you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
