Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.