I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.