you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
