So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize