well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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