Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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