I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
