hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize