turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize