Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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