i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
