you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
