Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
