I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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