found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
