And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
