You're earring is so big in my mouth
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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