So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
