Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
