We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
