I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
