What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
