Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
